HECTIC DAYS

It's been a hectic few days. Mama has not improved since her doctor visit. Yesterday we thought she was going to rally but then fell back. She can't put any weight on her feet or push up with her arms. She feet and legs hurt as well as her head. I am leaving her in bed since she lists to the left and it difficult for her to maintain herself in her chair. She has a mattress that changes her position to protect her skin. She calls for me if I leave the room. Her level of confusion causes her to repeat and forget what she has asked or said. Then she gets aggravated at me when I don't know who or what she is talking about. I try to answer her with what I think she wants to hear but that doesn't seem to work either.

Hydrating her hasn't seemed to improve her condition nor has the antibiotic, although there hasn't been enough time for that.

She does say funny, appropriate things in moments of clarity. So maybe by tomorrow she will improve.

Olivia spent the night and Mama always enjoys her.

I've been sick so that makes it hard for me to keep up with everything. But I think I starting to be on the mend.

DOCTOR APPOINTMENT

We took Mama to the dr today. We decided to bring her home instead of the hospital. I think we can hydrate her and give her antibiotic here. I would have put her in hospital if Dr. Cole had said I should. She is sleeping now and has most of the day.

Mama doesn't like cats, or animals for that matter. But I love cats and have lots of them. Sadie, our oldest cat, a calico, mostly likes me. She is a rescue cat and I have taken good care of her. Recently, Sadie has taken to sleeping with Mama. Mama tries to run her out of the bed but she is insistent. She wants to get as close to Mama as she can, curling up against her legs, purring, sleeping. Since Mama isn't feeling well, she isn't running her away. When I do something for Mama, Sadie walks around on the bed, wanting to get close to Mama's face, it's like she is worrying over her. Sadie purrs and purrs. When I am finished, Sadie curls up against her legs again. I wonder what Sadie knows that we don't know.

I'm afraid my throat is getting sore. I sure don't need that.

I'm soon going to take to my bed and read. Maybe sleep a bit too.

BAD DAY

Mama has had a terrible day, the worst. She finally relaxed enough to go to sleep around 9 pm. She has felt bad all day, confused, talking constantly, wanting to go home, wanting to call her mother. This is the saddest of all, wanting to call her mother and being upset because I won't let her. She cried for a long time. I just told her we would keep trying but that didn't make it any better. I just couldn't tell her she was dead.

Her body is more rigid than usual, she can't bend her body into a normal sitting position, which makes it difficult for her to sit in a chair. We have a lift chair that reclines almost flat so that is helpful.

To make matters worse, I let her fall out of the bed at 3 this morning. I couldn't get her up to the potty chair so pushed her back on the bed, with her head at the foot. I ran upstairs to get Hubby and when I got to the top of the stairs I heard Mama hit the floor. I didn't put up the rail. I don't know how I could have done such a thing. She bloodied her nose and now is sore all over. At 6 am she had another nose bleed and also was congested and spit up a lot of blood. I had to call my aunt to come help me. Hubby is usually away on Thursday but came home tonight. I am very glad he is here. I couldn't have made it without him here.

Mama sees the doctor tomorrow. The nurse said I should take her to the hospital but I didn't. But if Dr. Cole says she should go I will abide by his recommendation. He hasn't been wrong yet.

So now the house is quiet except for the washer, dryer, dishwasher and the computer keys.

BLACK ORCHID POEMS

LETTERS

Today Mama has been more confused than ever. She wants to write letters, which is something she has done all of her life. But letter writing is out of her realm now. Macular Degeneration makes it impossible for her read or write. She wants to make lists and then wants me to read them read them back to her. I can't do this for her. It is very frustrating for her.

She is also more rigid than usual and her whole body trembles. I have no idea what is going on with her but it is something major.

I'm at a loss as to how to handle some of this. I don't like to see her so agitated, she is miserable. Nothing soothes her. It is so sad for her.

NO SLEEP

I was awake all night last night. No real reason, just couldn't sleep. Lots of things rolling around in my brain. Those night things are still rolling around in my head.

This is one of those feeling overwhelmed days. My shoulder and back are about to give out on me. I try to lift and pull Mama in the right way but sometimes I can't. I know I nearly pull Mama's shoulder sockets out too. But it is either that or let her fall. That's not an option. No broken bones so far and I intend to keep it that way. Keeping her skin in good shape is the biggest challenge.

I'm cooking a sirloin tip roast and navy beans. I have potatoes left from last night. So with a little cornbread, it's supper.

I need to be lost in a book. I just need to be lost.

SOME THINGS GONE WRONG

I napped most of the day, which has made me feel better. Now if I could just sleep tonight. Maybe I will soon.

Mama hasn't had a very good day. She seems to be having trouble sitting straight, listing to the left. When she walks on the walker she leans to the left and can't seem to stand straight. No matter how much we prop her up she still leans over. Her words have been mixed up, the sequence messed up. I have so much trouble knowing what she is telling or asking me. I hate to ask her to repeat but sometimes it is necessary. It aggravates her. I can't blame her, I know it is hard for her.

I've also been letting Mama eat food. I know better but she wants it so bad. I never let her have much but... Now she isn't able to drink broth and even the custard isn't going down. I'm sure she needs her esophagus cleaned out. Dr. Riccio will kill me. I think she needs the feeding tube replaced too. She will not be thrilled.

Time and sequence give Mama lots of trouble. I have taken away her clock since it causes her to obsess about time. She hasn't realized it is gone. If she asks for it I will plug it in for her.

She wanted to go to Sunday School this morning but just wasn't able. I wouldn't be comfortable with leaving her for an hour. I'm not sure she could hold herself up in the wheel chair for that long. And I don't want to leave her when she is confused.

It's time for me to go to bed to read.

COMMENTS

Now I have taken off the comment feature and have no idea how to put it back on. :o(

FRIDAY

It's Friday. And it's been long week. We had more snow. It was so pretty. Some of it is still on the ground but the warmer weather is melting it right away, leaving us with mud.

It's been a somewhat hard week for Mama. She hasn't slept very well and has been restless during the day. We did take her out on Thursday but that seemed to make her more restless. I guess maybe it reminded her of going places and doing things. She was never one to stay home or to just sit. She was busy, cooking, doing things for other people. Of course, she did sit and read. Sometimes for hours and hours.

Now she sits all the time. I try to get her up to move around but she gets weak so quickly. I feel so bad that she has so much time to while away. Due to her confusion it is often hard to keep her engaged in conversation. I hate for her to be bored, but I know she is.

Olivia is here tonight and that brightens Mama's day. She always likes it when any of the children are here. So do I. They make me really happy.

I have eaten a lot of peanut butter eggs today. Why did I do it?

COMMENTS

I love your comments but due to some spam comments I have had to change the setting to approve comments. Be assured your comment will show up quickly.

VALENTINES

These valentines were sent to my mother by her friend, Louella. She was thrilled with them. I read them to her and she looked at them in the light. They are just wonderful.

My mother and her brother, Joe

A BETTER DAY, MOSTLY

Today has been a better day than yesterday. This morning, Mama woke up feeling better and seemed more herself. She talked a lot without much confusion, even laughed and made a few jokes. We had banana bread for breakfast, along with Mama's tube feeding. Of course, the bread made her sick but she loved it anyway. We had a quiet day, signing and addressing valentines, she likes to sign them herself, then I address them. I know it is difficult to read her writing but she likes to do it, so I think she should. I left her alone to do mail them and when I got back home she was calling for me, calling me "Mama", she had forgotten I had gone. I don't often leave her but she was anxious for the valentines to be mailed. She was so confused and looked totally different. I think she has "incidents" and has them often. Usually it takes a long time for her to recover and each time she recovers less or more slowly.
This afternoon she has been worried about the days of the week. She can't get them straight but it seems to be important to her so we repeat them. The afternoon also found her miscalling names, more than usual, as well as mixed up on the sequence of age of the girls.
I know it is terrible for her to unable to pull up names and ages of all of us. It is a real source of stress. The more she tries, the more difficult it is for her. I try to answer her questions but that usually leads to more confusion and questions.
I feel like I don't keep her entertained but I run out of things for her to do or talk about that she can maintain. If I tell her too many things she gets them all jumbled, which leads to a whole 'nother level of confusion.

SNOW PRINTS

YEAH! SNOW

Tonight we are getting pretty snow. It is falling into an even pattern, covering the cars and the ground. The cats are leaving their footprints all around the back door and on the front porch. Not the house cats, though, all six of them are nestled in beds, on the couch, looking for the warmest, driest places they can find. Sadie will want to sleep with Mama, she will not want her there though. Poor Sadie, she is so still and doesn't bother anything. When Mama gets to sleep, Sadie finds her way to the foot of the bed and usually sleeps there all night.

Today was Hubby's birthday. We had a good time. We've had lots of birthdays together.

I went to Goodwill today and made some great underwear pictures. Also found some great lace and meat platters.

Jeanie and I had lunch at Olive Garden. It's a good thing we went today since it is snowing tonight. By the end of the week we should be able to lunch again.

SATURDAY

I napped away most of today. Also did some reading, which is what I'll do most of the night. I'm close to finishing SECRETS OF EDEN and want to see how it ends.

Our snow wasn't pretty. Maybe the next one will be. I love the snow scenes in DC.

Mama has had a good day today. She has also napped some. She ate some supper and it didn't make her sick. She has a new mattress and I think it helps her sleep better. It is made to relieve pressure points. It fills with air and has a little movement in it, I think it would be nice for sleeping. Which is what it is for, duh.

I guess I'll have to cook something tomorrow.

SNOW

We are getting a little piddlin' snow here. I wish we were getting it like DC. It would just be so pretty and interesting.

I lost my iPhone today but got a call from Walmart that someone had turned it in. Makes me very happy. I have lots of things saved on it. I'll miss sleeping with it tonight.

I'm trying to change my background and template but can't seem to do it. I wish I had live in commuter help. I can't even read the directions.

NOT SLEEPING

Late night finds me awake and unable to sleep again. I would like to be able to go to bed and just go to sleep but that never happens. No matter how tired I am I still wake up at night.

My mother has always been a night owl too but now she starts thinking about going to bed early. She isn't sleepy, she just thinks she should go to bed in case we want to do something. I don't want her to go to bed and not go to sleep. She worries and things get in her mind that aren't right at all. Then it is almost impossible to get her to understand that everything is ok. I hate for her to worry and be uneasy.

Only 3 of the cats are in tonight. The other 3 wanted to go out. Sadie wants to sleep with Mama. If she wakes up and finds her there she will try and run her away. Sometimes that isn't easy.

THEODOSIA ROBERTS HALE

My great great grandmother, Theodosia Roberts Hale

November 20, 1830-November 2, 1917

She lived, died and is buried less than a mile from my house. She thinks she is me and I think so too. We drive by her home seat every few days. She had 3 children, Nancy Arthusa, John Wellington and Jane. The exact site of her grave has been lost but my mother remembers the general area from going with her grandmother to put flowers on the graves on Decoration Day. New graves now fill the area. But that's another story.