Saturday morning

A fine Saturday morning. The leaves look good for shooting pictures. The colors are the best I've seen so far.
We are a mained threesome here in this old house. John Wayne's foot, my hip and Mama's left side. But our spirits aren't dampened. The cats have moved inside for sleeping now that the cool weather has arrived. Chloe slept in a chair in the living room but Sadie slept with Mama. A cat lover, she isn't. But Sadie may win her over. She is a most undemanding cat. Just wants to sleep with someone when it is cold. And she seems to have chosen Mama.

No Children

There are no children in the house tonight. I wish they were all here. I'm sweating blood worrying about them. If only I could make them happy all the time. But I know they have to go through the fire for themselves. The house is filled with things that remind me of them, beanie babies, balloons, their clothes, books, drawings and notes from them. I love them all so much.

I'm the only one awake now, Mama has gone to sleep in the book room, John Wayne upstairs. I've moved to the couch instead of my pallet, my hip is suffering from it. I may have trouble sleeping, I don't trust Mama to call me if she gets up. She wants to go home and I don't blame her but I don't think she is ready. She needs to stay through the winter, something tells me this.

Olivia and I ate lunch with Jeanie today. We went to Friday's. Olivia was very good. She ate spaghetti and bread sticks. She told me she really likes to go to Olive Garden.

As I drove to Owensboro this morning, the sun made the leaves vibrant. I didn't shoot any pictures although I had my camera. I knew I couldn't capture the colors so I'll just have to remember. Coming home the clouds had taken over and the leaves had lost some of their luster. Maybe tomorrow the sun will be just right for the trees in our yard to glow.

I'm amazed at how easy it is for me to be a caregiver. I learned from Sue that there is nothing I can't do. I'm really selfish but not so much now as in time past. I regret every minute I didn't spend with my children. I was sleepier then and could lose myself in a book more easily. Other people's children took a lot of my time, I couldn't help but worry about my students. I should have never done anything but be with my children all the time. Now I want to see them everyday. I do talk to them everyday, sometimes several times. They are my lifeblood.

Pain is beginning to take my attention. Should I take more medicine, I have to be awake in the morning. I don't like morning. I wish it started later.

The house is settling for the night. It has to wait for me to settle. Sadie is still outside but Chloe is asleep on the love seat. I like my cats. Maybe reading and sleep for me.

A lot has happened since I made an entry to this blog. The biggest thing to happen is my mother's stroke. The worst of it took place in the car traveling to and from Nashville to take my cousin, Neffra, to the airport. She is staying with us for a while. The best thing would be for her to stay through the winter. I'm sure she will balk at this arrangement. Tomorrow she begins her physical therapy that will strength her left leg and arm. She shouldn't walk by herself but does now and then. She surely doesn't need a fall.
Today I went to her house to get her diary and some other things. Her house felt empty and it was cold. I took her electric blanket off of her bed and the thought came to me that she won't sleep in that bed again. All through the house I had the same feeling, that she won't live there again. She will be 87 on Thanksgiving Day. I guess we will have her birthday and Thanksgiving here this year. The turkey will come from somewhere other than my oven! I have no idea how to do a turkey and figure I'm too old to learn now.
It's an odd thing, having my mother in the house on a long term basis. She is settling herself into our book room. I've been sleeping on a pallet on the floor so I will hear her when she gets up. Even at that she sometimes has to call me more than once. So we are shifting in this old house. It seems to be working. We'll see what happens.

Southern Festival of Books

I'm in Nashville at the Southern Festival of Books.

After 2am

It will soon be 3am. I'm awake with pain in my foot and knee. I don't like pain but it seems to be my almost constant companion. I'm also coughing my head off so I took children's Tylenol cough and cold. It should help me soon. Olivia is asleep in the bed with me. She sleeps so peacefully. I'll probably want to sleep about the time she wakes up. She'll want to sit in my lap and watch Cinderella. Sometimes we both go to sleep when we sit together.
I'm loving SWEETWATER CREEK by Anne Rivers Siddons.
Back to sleep for me, hopefully.

Jerusalem Artichoke

The Jerusalem Artichoke is blooming in my neglected flower and herb bed. Even the weeds haven't killed it. I first saw it blooming along the road to my friend's house. Susan lives on a hill at the end of a road. It's quiet, peaceful, and welcoming. She gave me plants to put in my garden and they have been blooming for me for years. The blooms remind me of her. She is bright and pleasant. When I was teaching, I saw her every day. Now I see her occasionally, but not near enough. I've let the weeds grow between us just like I let the weeds grow all around the plant she gave me. Looking at the blooms today reminded me that all I have to do is step into the weeds and she'll be there. She is a dear friend and brings much joy into my life.

Hair

Kristin, Elizabeth, & Leah have new streaks in their hair. Leah thinks she is as big as her sisters and doesn't want to be left out of anything. They all have so much fun together. Kristin's picture will be in tomorrow's post.

October 1

It's the wee hours of the first day of October. I haven't been asleep yet, but maybe soon. The leaves are falling off of our trees, almost covering the ball court, piling up here and there around the yard. I haven't seen the squirrels lately but it will soon be time to buy them some corn.
I ended September with a visit to Jeanie's house. Now, I often borrow her books. I sunk myself in one of her chairs, drank a real coke with ice, and mostly talked about books. Her book shelves distract me without causing me to lose out on the conversation. I feel much better for having been there.

What I'm Reading:

SWEETWATER CREEK by Anne Rivers Siddons

BLOOD AND BONE REMEMBER - poems by Jane Hicks

The Book of Revelation

Listening to:

Lullabies on AOL Radio

What I'm Writing:

editing my 'dead poems'