Thursday, April 22, 2010

A MONTH OUT

My mother has been dead for a month now. The days have been strange. I have done really well maintaining my composure in most instances. I learned well from Mama, we were always private mourners.

It is hitting home with me all the things I have lost. My mother was rarely critical of me, she should have been but she wasn't. She was proud of everything I did, everything I read or wrote, my opinions. Of course, our opinions were the same. I've lost being able to put my feet in her lap for them to be tickled or leaning my seat back in the truck for her to scratch my head. We had a kind of language, facial expressions, body language that all made communicating a private affair. She would drop everything to go on a road trip, we were lost most of the time, but it didn't matter.

Even though my family likes me, it's conditional. With my mother, it wasn't.

9 comments:

Lindsey said...

Wow
I bet she is still proud of you
every day
stay strong

honey said...

I just came across your blog. I lost my Mom on Feb. 11th one day short of the four month anniversary of losing my daughter. I started a blog to try to get through all the pain. I know exactly what you are saying in this post. Mom's are the anchor in our lives, no matter how old we are. You have my sympathy and my prayers. Writing helps, words are powerful, I will keep reading your words. God bless.

Flying high in the sky.... said...

take care....i hope you get the courage to go on ... i dont know what to say..for no words can do justice ...take care..

me'an said...

i feel you.. we're actually the same..i also lost a loved one and its my dad.. let's just stay strong.. take care..

Anonymous said...
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The Reluctant Blogger said...

I'm so sorry for your lose, That unconditional love is such a wonderful thing. I have never felt it for myself, but I have given it to MY children. Cherish the memories for a lifetime :0)

Sophie said...
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Keiada said...

Hi, I'm new to blogging, actually I'm doing it for a grade in my computer class, and you probably dont care about that. But I stumbled upon your page and I just wanted to say that your an inspriation. Life goes on, but I think your mom would want you to go on and your doing that. Best wishes to you.

Genius said...

I am realy sorry about your mother. It takes awhile for the heart to heal.

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