CRASHING

I've been crashing in the oddest places. I am very good in the art of self control. I can usually put forth the attitude I intend for others to see but not always. Elizabeth and I stopped to eat at Waffle House on Monday. I had gotten a copy of the eulogy from Bob and took it in with me. I started to read it and had a total melt down, yes, right there in Waffle House.

More than once, I've been suddenly sad, driving down the road, for no particular reason, just sad. Once or twice, a smell has made me sad, and sounds.

My mother was in our house with us for a long time. Right after she died, I caught myself going in the book room to check on her or looking around the corner from the kitchen to see if she was ok in her chair. But already, I'm beginning to think of calling her at her house or running down to see her. Some mornings, it crosses my mind to call and just before I go to bed, I think of it. The last days of her life are the most removed from my memory. Not that I've forgotten or want to forget, I just remember earlier times with more urgency.

There are kittens in our basement, 4 of them. There were 6, but 2 went to Kitty Heaven. I had to cut one of the dead ones away from the live ones. Their cords were all dried together. Don't ask, it was strange. The 4 remaining ones are healthy and fat. And quite relieved, I'm sure.