Since my mother's death, I have been with my Cousin Jane, which has helped me in so many ways. She will go home tomorrow, Janie will take her to meet Emily. I'm going to miss her.
Elizabeth is here for spring break, Olivia here tonight and she will probably be in and out later in the week. We all went to bed earlier, each one reading our own book. I love to read with them. Then we turned out the lights and I told them a story. They were soon asleep. But I had to get up to take my medicine. Now I can't sleep.
Olivia has been sad missing Mama. It is hard for her to understand. She spent a lot of time with her and now she has a lot of sadness.
Not many days before Mama died, she told us it was going to happen. It may have been the last time she was in her chair in the living room. She made a lot of jokes about dying but she wasn't joking this time. She was right.
More and more I'm wondering how it happened that I wasn't with her when she died. It was the first night in months that we had been gone. It was so important for Leah to have us at her recital. I've had several people tell me Mama waited for me to be gone before she died. But then I wonder if she died because she thought I wasn't coming back. But the important thing, she died with people who loved her and cared for her every need.
I think Mama had the perfect eulogy. Bob talked about all the things that were important, books, reading, family.He's sending me a copy, I'm anxious to read it.
Tomorrow I'm planning to blog about the cemetery.
2 comments:
I'm hoping that writing about your mother's death has become therapeutic for you. I can't imagine how hard this is and won't pretend to know since I haven't experienced it myself. Just wanted to say, that I think you are very courageous and honest in what you write and I admire that.
I think what you are doing is very helpful for you,and others also. Please don't get caught up in feeling bad about not being there when your mom died.
You were when she needed you. Remember all the love ,happy times. As someone who has lived through both parents dieing in front of her, you don't need that memory.
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