It fills me with despair to think of all the sadness my granddaughters will experience. Tonight laughing with Elizabeth and Olivia, I wished they could always laugh. But already they have sadness. Olivia told me about something that made her cry at Christmas. Elizabeth has all the stresses of a 13 year old. If only I could cushion them all.
Also, I wish I could save Mama from all her frailties. I want her to be free of worry but nothing I do seems to accomplish that. She always took care of everything, did all the cooking, cleaned up all the mess. Now this has passed to me. I don't even like to cook. Elizabeth is learning to cook and does a great job. Tonight she made the cornbread and mashed the potatoes. When she is an old woman she will be able to make a pan of cornbread fit for a king.
I want to put away my Christmas trees but something is keeping me from it. I can't seem to let them go. They are all small with little white lights, except for the Norfolk Island Pine which has colored lights. The little silver tree came from the junk store in Georgetown. Elizabeth wants me to leave it up and decorate it for all the holidays. She says it will be pretty for Valentine's Day and Easter. Maybe I will do it. Why not.
The house is so quiet tonight, nothing stirring but me, clicking the computer keys, wrapped up in my new pink snuggie, a cat across my chest, books on the table, cokes in the fridge.
But sad. Not really a bad sad, just sad.
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