There are no children in the house tonight. I wish they were all here. I'm sweating blood worrying about them. If only I could make them happy all the time. But I know they have to go through the fire for themselves. The house is filled with things that remind me of them, beanie babies, balloons, their clothes, books, drawings and notes from them. I love them all so much.
I'm the only one awake now, Mama has gone to sleep in the book room, John Wayne upstairs. I've moved to the couch instead of my pallet, my hip is suffering from it. I may have trouble sleeping, I don't trust Mama to call me if she gets up. She wants to go home and I don't blame her but I don't think she is ready. She needs to stay through the winter, something tells me this.
Olivia and I ate lunch with Jeanie today. We went to Friday's. Olivia was very good. She ate spaghetti and bread sticks. She told me she really likes to go to Olive Garden.
As I drove to Owensboro this morning, the sun made the leaves vibrant. I didn't shoot any pictures although I had my camera. I knew I couldn't capture the colors so I'll just have to remember. Coming home the clouds had taken over and the leaves had lost some of their luster. Maybe tomorrow the sun will be just right for the trees in our yard to glow.
I'm amazed at how easy it is for me to be a caregiver. I learned from Sue that there is nothing I can't do. I'm really selfish but not so much now as in time past. I regret every minute I didn't spend with my children. I was sleepier then and could lose myself in a book more easily. Other people's children took a lot of my time, I couldn't help but worry about my students. I should have never done anything but be with my children all the time. Now I want to see them everyday. I do talk to them everyday, sometimes several times. They are my lifeblood.
Pain is beginning to take my attention. Should I take more medicine, I have to be awake in the morning. I don't like morning. I wish it started later.
The house is settling for the night. It has to wait for me to settle. Sadie is still outside but Chloe is asleep on the love seat. I like my cats. Maybe reading and sleep for me.
1 comment:
"I'm amazed at how easy it is for me to be a caregiver. I learned from Sue that there is nothing I can't do. I'm really selfish but not so much now as in time past. I regret every minute I didn't spend with my children. I was sleepier then and could lose myself in a book more easily. Other people's children took a lot of my time, I couldn't help but worry about my students. I should have never done anything but be with my children all the time. Now I want to see them everyday. I do talk to them everyday, sometimes several times. They are my lifeblood." I relate to this ... it is an awful feeling, to look back and remember those times ... argh - there was one friend who would keep me on the phone forever -and I would let her, even as my sweet baby would be practically begging me to get off. And more ....
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