11.11.11

I've looked so forward to 11.11.11 and it has been  great day. I saw the time at 1:11 am, 11:11am, 1:11 pm and I'm going to try and post this at 11:11 pm.

I marked the day by climbing a 70 foot fire tower. I was on the top at 11:11. I made a lot of pictures and it was such a good time.

The fire tower belongs to Tony and Susan. They have the most interesting things, chickens, rocks, a fig tree, eggplant vines, trees, a rusted out tractor, an old car from England, a solar heated chicken house, a swing with a fire burning in front of it, flowers nipped by frost. They are such interesting people. I had the best time.

Uncle Joe

Tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of my Uncle Joe Matthews. He is the last of my mother's brothers. My mothers hasn't been dead quite 2 years yet. Her youngest brother, Billy, died in 1965 and W. V., the oldest, died in 1976.
I am the oldest of 7 grandchildren. So now I am the oldest in the blood line. I will be 65 in December. It's an odd thing to be the oldest. I'm the oldest of my Chosen Family.
The Matthews will die out with our generation as will the Adams with John Michael.
There are children but not with the Matthews or Adams name.
I'm afraid I'm going to be really sad tomorrow, I'll probably be the chief mourner.
My uncle and my mother looked so much alike, they had the same facial expressions, and they held their hands the same way, their fingers intermingled and folded. They had the same sense of humor although mama was quicker to talk and tell tales than Joe but when it did it was memorable.
I've been practicing not crying but it isn't working. Waves of grief wash over me and I can hardly stand it. But I will.

Poor blog. So neglected.

READING

I'm going to read DRACULA by Bram Stoker. I've never read it. Amanda says I should, so I will. I'm also reading FAIR AND TENDER LADIES by Lee Smith. I've read it several times. During January, I read new things and old things, some I read years ago and one that was just published. I loved them all. I only want to read things I want to read and love. I used to think I had to finish anything I started but now there are so many things i want to read or re-read that I only stay with something I love. So if you see I have read something,you know I loved it.

I read 9 books in January. 2011 is going to be a reading year for me. And a writing year. And an art journaling year. I hope it will also be a quiet year, less tv, but more music. I consider music being quiet. I'm just now getting used to it being the year 2011. I never thought I would live so long.

I'm walking with Dianne. I love walking.

NEW BACKGROUND

How do you like the new background and header? I decided I needed something that was a better fit to my state of mind.

I went to the movie today. I saw The King's Speech. I thought it was a wonderful movie, I could have watched it again.

Today, I also finished reading THEIR EYES WERE WATCHING GOD by Zora Neale Hurston. It was very good, I'm glad I read it and don't know what I am just now reading it. I guess I needed it for now.

I'm not sure what I want to read now. The house is stacked with books so I have choices. Somebody told me once that they had read all the books in their house. I thought that was the strangest thing. I have a great fear of having a few minutes with nothing to read. It never happens so I don't know why I have that fear. It hasn't happend in years.

The art journal is calling me back to it, after it being neglected for quite some time. But I bringing out the photographs, the paint, the glue strips and my head is spinning with the joy of it. Pages will be posted in the next day or so. Come back.

ART JOURNAL PAGES

EARLY

I've been awake for a long time already this morning. I've eaten bacon and scrambled eggs with diet cherry 7 UP. Mighty tasty. Now if I just had a dark chocolate Hershey bar. 

It's going to snow. I have a pot of soup and the making for cornbread for supper. I have books and a warm house and plenty of quilts. And cats.

I just read LITTLE BEE by Chris Cleave and now can't seem to get into another book. I'm still living int he world of Little Bee.

I don't much like being up early in the morning. This is usually the time I get my best sleep. I might like it better if I was in Times Square.

                   

1.1.11

Numbers that contain 1 are my favorite, expecially if they are the only numbers. 11:11 is my favorite time of day and night. A while back, I began to notice how often I looked at the clock to find that is read 11:11. Mentioning it to my cousin Jane, she was hving the same experience. Then I find there is a whole following for 11:11. I can't wait for 11.11.11 at 11:11 am and pm.

2010 has been a year of highs and lows, as it has been for most everybody. My mother died in March, I went to Wales in June, LMU in June, Florida in July, Hindman in August, Nashville in October, I went to a Christmas party in Berea, I read books, I wrote stuff, I was euphoric, I was in the depths of despair. I survived. I guess that is good. I didn't always want to survive. Yet, I knew I had to. It was not my choice to make.

2010 may have been the year of Wales for me. I learned so many things, saw my dead relatives, spent good times with my alive cousins, and met MIke Davies, the best of all guides. He was a wealth of information. He drove us over mountains overlooking valleys that were breathtaking. The Wye Valley left me in tears by the side of the road. I sat on rocks that were familiar to me, I put my hand on ancient rocks, I saw tombs containing my ancestors. My blood ran Welsh.

I read, not as many books as I have read in a year's time, but I read great books, ones I loved. I'm going to read more, much more, in 2011. I'm going to submit my Clem & Trixie book, the Kristin poems and some other poems. I need to organize and find pages of writing that i have lost somewhere in this house.

I might knit. Well, I want to knit. I might. But probably won't. I want to, though.

I would like to lose 50 pounds without much effort on my part.

I want my granddaughters to be happy. And my children, too.

I want Hubby to be healthier.

I intend to see more movies at the theatre.

I should do things to help people, but probably won't do that much either. But, I'll think about it.

I feel sure I will shoot more pictures.

I want to go to Times Square for New Year's Eve.

This is the sunset on 1.1.11

It made me feel good.

COLD

Back in the summer, when it was so hot, I said I would be glad when it was winter. I'm sorry I said that. I do not like being cold. It seems to have happened so quickly. But I do like to cover up in the chair and read or have computer time, or both at the same time. Three of the cats stay in the house most of the time and they seem to like covering up, too. Sadie should be in but she if afraid of the inside cats. She could whip them all but she is afraid. I try to bring her in but it doesn't go well and she wants out. She is well fed and fluffy. She seems to stay warm somewhere. The outside cats eat well.
I'm going to have to put up a Christmas tree. Sooner than later.

AFTER THANKSGIVING

Well, Thanksgiving is over and I have to say I'm glad. We did have a really good time with family and nobody went home hungry.

I am the least likey person to be able to cook a Thanksgiving dinner, but, amazingly, I did. It's not the first time but I don't think I'm very good at it. I only like dressing made the way my mother made it but I don't think it was anybody's favorite. But if I'm making it I can do it the way I want. I have only cooked one turkey in my whole life and don't intend to do that ever again. I just didn't like touching it. So I bought a smoked turkey breast and it was really good and I didn't have to touch it at all. I got carried away with the mac and cheese and made way too much. The pan was too full and cheese ran down the sides as it baked. I didn't eat it but a lot of it was consumed so guess it was passable. I did cook a ham but we ate a big part of it on Wednesday.

We had family on Friday (we didn't eat the family, we fed them). We had navy beans, cooked from scratch, spaghetti, country ham and cornbread, along with a few leftovers. It was a good day.

Now I have to look toward Christmas. I don't like messing with Christmas trees but like them when they are up and decorated. But at midnight on Dec. 26, I am finished with that tree.

I used my mother's dishes for Thanksgiving. I didn't go get them until late Wednesday night. I'm glad I used them. She had them for years and never tired of using them. They did make the table pretty.

I bought candles but lost them, only to find them Thursday night. I guess they will keep for next year.

The cats enjoyed the scraps, they had a festive Thanksgiving.

I should begin right now and purge the house of clutter and stuff. But I probably won't since I like it all so well. My children can deal with it when I pass.

Now I want to read, write, paint, art journal and nap. All at the same time.

WISHING FOR RAIN

I just took a chocolate cake out of the oven. It is going to have cherry icing. Susan's favorite. It will put all my pounds back on. Maybe I can make myself just eat a tiny little piece.

I don't know what to read. I keep starting books but they don't keep my attention. I start them over and read a little more, then lay them aside. I know that will change but it drives me crazy. I like to be lost in books.

I wish it would rain, buckets of rain, making rivers in my back yard. I would like to have lightning and wind, great raindrops hitting the windows. I wish it would come just at the gloaming and run into the night, keeping me awake, then lulling me into a deep sleep.

I DREAMT OF TREES

As soon as I got home from Wales, my dreams began to change. Since my mother died, I hadn't dreamt of her, but now I started to do so. The dreams weren't sad or anything out of the ordinary, she was just in them. I could remember the dreams vividly but there didn't seem to be any real significance to any of them. Then they stopped.

Then I dreamt of trees.

I walked out of a house, leaving people inside. I held the screen door to keep it from slamming. The porch was made of wide boards, once having been painted, now peeling yet still sturdy. The edges of the boards were unfinished, some with jagged places, others worn smooth. I didn't go down the steps but if I had, my feet would have felt ancient rocks full of fossils. The yard was dirt with patches of green grass, dogs, cats, chickens ambling about.

Looking straight from the porch I could see a stand of trees, in full leaf, green, lush. The sky was blue, deep blue, with a few white clouds, a breeze blowing.

As I watched the trees, the leaves began to change, although nothing else changed around them. The trunk and branches of the trees stayed the same. The leaves first turned white, like icy particles in the shape of summer leaves, a light began to come from them, not through them or around them but from them. The white turned to a translucent silver, continuing to give light.

The dream comes to me all the time, day and night, awake and asleep. I like for it to appear. It makes me happy. I don't know where it takes place but it makes me think of Wales. I know there is a connection , I may never know exactly but then, I might one day.

WALES

I'm in Wales spending time with dead relatives.

This morning, I set out to get rid of some stuff. So far, I have thrown away newspapers, empty plastic bags, stale bread, crumpled paper, detached price tags, and spilled cat food. I really intended to cull some serious stuff. But I like my stuff. I moved things around a bit, put buttons in a bowl, stacked art paper, put pencils in a container, sorted pictures, made a pile of shoes, took clothes upstairs to the closet. Now I'm tired and sitting in the chair. The stuff will wait.

Since reading TINKERS by Paul Harding, I haven't read much. It has taken over my head and I can't think about any other book. But something else will come along. I want to read THE PASSAGE by Justin Cronin. That might be what I read on the way to Wales.

June 21 is the departure date for Wales. I have been thinking about what I should pack. I can't take more than I can carry. But I like clean clothes. I should make a list.

The kittens must go next week. I said that last week.

Silas House has written a most wonderful blog entry. http://www.silashouseblog.blogspot.com/

BOOKS

I should be shelving books. Well, I could be shelving books is I had anymore shelf space. Books take up every space a book could possibly fit. In many places, they are double shelved, which I swore I would never do. But it became a necessity.

I had a much longer post and lost it somehow. Now I'm too tired to write it again. It can hold until tomorrow.

KRISTIN

My greanddaughter, Kristin, is 17 years old today. She is such a delightful girl. I love her so much. I wish I could make her happy all her life.

FREEZERS

My freezer has stopped working. I discovered it when Olivia wanted a popsicle. She likes those red, white and blue ones. It was mushy. All the ice cream was lost but the meat was still solid. The only thing I could do was take it to Mama's freezer.
Well, I hadn't cleaned out Mama's freezer yet. John Michael hadn't been to her house since August of 2008, since she left there to come here.I know it was hard for him to go but he said he would help me take the food. I took garbage bags to clean out the freezer. There wasn't really a lot left there, some Schwann, a huge brisket roast, corn, peppers, and onions she had cut to freeze for making soup or spaghetti. Most of what was in the freezer were things she had prepared herself. There was a zip lock bag that held 4 cornbread muffins. She made them all the time and would put leftovers in the freezer, ready for company or to make dressing. These little corn muffins made me so sad, they were so typical of her, something she had done thousands of times in her life. I had a hard time throwing them away and am tempted to go get them out of the garbage. I know, that's really silly.
So now my food is freezing nicely in her freezer.
John Michael says he can't think of anything he wants from the house. But I know he will. He commented on a blouse hanging on a door facing, left where she hung it when she took it out of the dryer. He looked in the cabinets wwhere he used to store her freshly canned green beans. Her shoes were sitting on a chair. Most of the house is still just like she left it. Other things have had to be moved. Her essence hasn't left the house.
I have a lot of things to clean out at Mama's house. I guess I'll get it all done one day.

WEARY

Tonight, I'm weary, dreary, bleary. I haven't been able to do any of the things I should have done today. I did cook supper and that's about it. I spent some time outside, cutting limbs, pulling weeds, talking to the birds and cats. And yes, they talked back.

Maybe if I go to sleep, I'll do better tomorrow. I've said that before.

I'm coughing and have a bit of a sore throat. I should have gone to the dr today but it was just so much trouble.

If it wasn't for Frasier, I would be asleep.